My son took his life in April 2005. We were very close, he being my
oldest , I had had him at 22. Some how it seemed like we were kids
together in some ways, or at least acted like it. Someone at his
funeral told me I was his matriarch ..........I will always cherish
that comment, it's wonderful to think he looked up to me.  Lance was a
kind and very generous soul. People truly enjoyed his company.

We had a cell phone that had a share plan. When Lance passed his phone
was still on my contract, but we took it and just shut it off.  I never
realized until a year later as I was planning to give the phone to my
daughter and start it up again , that his voice mail was still up and
functional. When you called his line , voice mail would answer, his
message (his voice, the one he had on before his death)
and it was still possible to leave a message after the tone.

One night being very down after the anniversary of his death and just
longing to hear his voice, I called his phone, and left a very tearful
message. More or less to the effect I didn't know how to call Heaven,
but I wanted him to know how much he was loved and missed.
How I wish I had been there for him the night he died . How my love
would be with him forever.

A month later that same message came into my mail box. It was Memorial
Day, I had just been to his grave.

None of Lance's messages from his phone ever came into my mailbox. At
the time of his death the family all knew it was full, only he had the
pass code, it died with him. Through the year the phone company
informed me the messages would eventually delete out, but could not go
to another mailbox, not even on a share plan. We had two separate
numbers and phones.

This all has me baffled, and in someway comforted I feel in someway
deep in my heart he heard me.